I want it all...

I Loathe November

2009-11-17T14:20:40Z

For me it's the month of death. I've lost so many animals, friends and relatives during November, more than any other month.

Now it looks like it's my 18-year-old cat Rodeo Princess's turn. She's been in declining health for a while now, but she has begun refusing food, has lost a lot of weight, and now has this blank stare animals usually get near the end.

Ive tried everything I could think of to get her to eat. I've offered her ensure (she wouldn't touch it), baby food (she ate a tiny bit), canned cat foot mixed with warm water to make it easier to eat, even plain yogurt which she usually loves. Nothing got her to eat more than a little bit, and that was usually from me holding the bowl under her nose, or dabbing some of the food on her mouth so she'd eat.

Looks like some time this week we are going to have to make the decision to let her go. Hardest thing in the world.

I know 18 is a long life, but the selfish part of me would love to have her with me for many more years. I love all my animals, but this cat, out of all of them has owned the biggest piece of my heart.

She came into my life at my lowest point, I was so sick, in pain all the time, and the doctors hadn't a clue what was wrong. It got to the point where even my family didn't believe I was really sick (turned out to be a combination of things including severe gall stones and anemia). I'll be honest, it had gotten so bad that I had contemplated just ending it all to get away from the pain.

Then Rodeo (who had belonged to my abusive neighbors) came into my life. Gave me something to care about other than myself, a reason to get up and go outside each day if only long enough to feed and pet her.

After she recovered from being hit by a car she started rescuing other injured cats and bringing them to me. Because of her I ended up with Codger , Motley, Clarence, Tiffany, Spot, and Salena.

We've been friends for nearly half my life, and when she goes, I just don't know what I'll do. Sure I still have the others (including new kitten Panda), but no one is a substitute or replacement for someone else

Sorrow...

2009-11-06T19:48:31Z

For those killed or wounded in the attack at Ft. Hood, a moment of silence.

I kill cars - part 3

2009-11-02T02:30:36Z

Just shoot me now and get it over with!

Okay last weekend my front left brake locked up. Dad replaced it for me Wednesday. Drove it Thursday and Friday with no problems.

Well this afternoon I went to drive it to the next town, I got about 10 blocks away, and it happened again. By the time I got turned around and back home there was smoke coming out from around the wheel, and the acrid smell of burned brakes was overpowering.

Once again, we're down to one usable car between the three of us.

I kill cars - part 2

2009-10-28T13:33:23Z

Some of you may remember me posting about my car woes a few weeks ago. Well it's gotten much worse since then.

First of course was my car. That was on a Monday I went to go to work, and my car wouldn't stop dieseling. Turns out that was a short in the starter.

On Wednesday, when I went to borrow my Mother's car, it did the same thing. Then on Friday when I borrowed my Dad's car the shift stuck, and I couldn't get it in reverse.

By then Mom's car is back from the shop, running fine, so I use it to go shopping in the next town with no problems, but by Tuesday when Mom tried to drive it it was acting up again so back to the shop it went.

Dad had replaced the starter in mine so it was drivable, but last Friday when he borrowed my car the front left brake dropped and got stuck, which makes it undrivable until fixed again.

Yesterday picked Mom's car back up from the shop after they fixed the computer problem only to realize that the transmission has gone out. It's still drivable as long as you don't want to go above 25 miles an hour.

It has seriously been a stressful few weeks when it comes to driving anywhere.

I kill cars...

2009-10-14T17:08:05Z

Not on purpose mind you, but still.

On Monday my car died. Still have no idea why because it has yet to stop raining and no way I'm working on a car in this.

Yesterday I got a ride to work, but today Mom said I could borrow her car. I made it about a third of a block before it started making a weird noise and lost most of the power. I was able to get it turned around and back in the driveway before it died completely, so now we're down to my Dad's car and understandably he wont let me drive it since I'm now considered a serial automobile killer.

And to think it's only Wednesday...

Dance like no one is watching...

2009-10-14T03:35:08Z

However, if you turn around and find out that someone (or in my case several someones) are in fact watching you, try not to shriek and jump so far into the air in fright that you hit your head on the ceiling fan.

I am very, VERY angry right now

2009-10-01T16:46:12Z

I have the serious need to punch the Pastor at the church my parents attended right in his face.

*deep breath*

Okay, here's what happened.

For the last 2 years Dad has worked nights at a hotel. Not exactly ideal, but with his government disability being cut way back he had to do something to make ends meet.

Even though he works Saturdays and doesn't get home until about 8 a.m. he'd take a short nap and then get up and go to church. He was always very dedicated. When the Pastor's family came in for a funeral he called and got Dad to use his discount so that Pastor's family stayed at a greatly reduced rate.

Then Dad got Mom hired on at the Hotel. Both of them work weekend nights, but again both were going to church Sunday morning.

Then this Sunday that evil troll of a man got up in the pulpit, looked right at my parents, and preached that anyone that worked Sundays was going to hell.

That sanctimonious son of a bitch!

I never liked the man, but to use his position to publicly humiliate someone like that, to defame their character, I just... I've been in an absolute rage for days now.

When Dad went and resigned from the church board all he got was a smirk and a "you've changed since you took that job".

Both my parents worked hard for that church. They even helped build the building, and now they've just been thrown away and publicly humiliated. If I happen to see that man in public I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

One of my CSI fics...

2009-09-01T08:34:58Z

Nyquil Nightmares has been nominated over at CSI Fanfic Awards. To say I'm surprised and flattered would be a understatement of epic proportions.

If you have the time, please check out the many talented authors nominated this year.

Geek Cred...

2009-08-27T15:13:38Z

My Geek-Fu was strong this morning.

Dad came in and was talking about three new perfumes out that are named after the new Star Trek movie.

Dad: One was named after the guys that always died.

Me: The Red Shirts?

Dad: Yeah. One was named for Captain Kirks middle name.

Me: You mean Tiberius?

Dad: *blinks* Yeah that's it. The last one was named for the mating cycle of the Klingons or something.

Me: If you mean Pon Farr, then you're talking about the mating cycle of the Vulcans.

Dad: Pon Farr, yeah that was it. How the heck do you do that?

Me: The geek force is strong with this one Obi Wan.

XD

"Fun" with hypoglycemia...

2009-08-18T16:19:55Z

Since starting the new low-carb diet and meds my blood sugar has been pretty good. I test it first thing in the morning before my walk, and before meals.

The weird thing is, it will go up right after my walk despite my not having had any food yet. Dad says that's probably from the pain since my leg and hip hurt during and right after my walk.

Well yesterday after work I needed to run to the bank and buy a few things. Tested my blood sugar before I went and it was 89. I thought no problem, it's just a quick trip and then I'll have lunch.

Well in the middle of the grocery store I started feeling sick. I was stumbling, shaky, and kind of confused. Got out to my car and tested my sugar. It was 51.

Whoops.

Fortunately I have some glucose tablets in my purse so I ate one and sat there until I stopped shaking so I could drive home.

I just don't get it. Fifteen or twenty minute walk and my sugar goes up, 10 minutes in the store and it drops 38 points.

If I was slightly more paranoid I'd say my body is out to get me.

Why is it so difficult...

2009-08-12T20:44:44Z

to find reasonably priced, plus-sized exercise clothes?

I've been going to the local stores in search of clothing to wear while I work out. I wasn't looking for anything fancy, I just wanted some long pants and maybe a few extra t-shirts.

Everywhere I checked they had plenty of exercise clothes, but all most all of it was for those under a size 14. There was also a shocking amount of extra-small exercise clothes.

Hun, if you're a extra small the last thing you need is a hour of high-impact aerobics. What you really need to do is plant your narrow buns on the sofa and let me introduce you to my good friends Ben & Jerry's.

Honestly those of us that actually need to exercise could use some comfortable clothes in which to do so. And I refuse to spent $39 or more just for a pair of pants that I'm only going to wear to sweat in. Finally I went online and found some yoga pants on sale and ordered some, but it's ridiculous that there aren't more options for those of us that are voluptuous.

Back from the Specialist

2009-07-31T23:52:26Z

(Endocrinologist).

So looks like I'm pre-diabetic, hypoglycemic, and have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).

New diet to follow, prescription for Metformin, more blood work next week, and a recheck with the endocrinologist in 6 weeks.

For those keeping score: Asthma, psoriasis, high blood pressure, severe berry allergies, numb leg, hip pains, migraines, hypoglycemia, bad back, and now ovarian cysts that have more than likely rendered me sterile.

*happy-happy, joy-joy*

Stupid people at work

2009-07-27T22:54:12Z

At work I'm usually the one to deal with incoming phone calls. I've had my share of stupid callers, but this one really made my head explode for some reason.

Me: *business name* this is Azure, how may I direct your call today?

Idiot: ...

Me: Hello?

Idiot: Oh, yeah can I speak with *boss's name*

Me: Who may I say is calling please?

Idiot: Me. I'm calling.

Me:... Okay. And what is this regarding?

Idiot: What?

Me: What is the call about?

Idiot: I need to speak with *boss's name*.

Me: Alright, one moment while I see if he's available.

*turns around*

Me: Hey boss, are you available for a call on line 1?

Boss: Who is it?

Me: I'm not sure the caller knows.

Boss: What's it about?

Me: Your guess is as good as mine.

Boss: What the heck, I'm board anyway, line one you said?

Apparently this was a government employee reminding the boss of a meeting he has. Gives you great appreciation for the relative IQ in government offices doesn't it?

doctor related venting

2009-07-21T08:03:34Z

So, as many of you know the doctor isn't sure what's up with my blood sugar, so he wants me to go to a specialist.

I get a call from his office today saying that they are trying to set me up with a endocrinologist but can't get me in until November. However if I'm willing to pay $100 a visit I can go to a private endocrinologist.

Okay, fine. They call back and give me a appointment for Wednesday.

Five minutes later they call back to say, "so sorry but that doctor isn't a endocrinologist". The only other one anywhere near here charges $150 a visit and I cant see her until the end of August.

What is really insane making is that if I waited until November I could go to another low-cost place to see THE SAME doctor at a reduced fee.

The doctor makes a point of how dangerous low-blood sugar can get; how it can cause a coma or even death; that it can be caused by tumors, and how important it is to see a specialist. So important that they want to make me wait over 3 months to see the specialist.

And they wonder why my blood pressure is so high...

Excuse me while I SCREAM

2009-07-17T01:41:20Z

Back from the doctor to get my test results back about my having hypoglycemia.

The results, insulin normal, the protein connected to the insulin was high. The doctor said he "didn't know" what's wrong with me. He did increase my BP meds because my BP has been high the last 2 times I went to see him. Gee, could it possibly have something to do with me feeling like chit & the doctor not having a clue?

He wants to send me to a specialist. God only knows what that's going to cost me since I don't have insurance. I have to wait a week to get a referral to find out. I know I need to get a handle on this, but I can't really afford much.

Mom (who can always be counted on to find the dark cloud to any silver lining) piped up with "maybe it's leukemia". I just... it's not bad enough that I have a permanently numb left leg that they don't have a clue what's causing it, it's not enough that my blood sugar keeps dropping like a stone, she has to drop that on me.

Even More DreamWidth Invites

2009-07-11T17:49:31Z

I have FIVE DreamWidth invites available. First come first served.

Please reply here with your email address if you would like one!

crossposted to DW, LJ, & IJ

My cat Homeboy...

2009-07-04T03:41:23Z

a sociopath.

He looks sweet and lovable, but don't believe it. He's a rabid saberetooth tiger in a 8-pound cat suit.

I went out to lock my cats up for the night and feed them. To "thank" me for this Homeboy decided to rip my hands off; at the shoulder. Good thing I love the little chit.

Little goof even tried to bite me. Then when I'm holding him in my arms he tried growling at me. Totally surprised him when I growled back. Apparently I speak pretty good cat because my neighbors thought one of the ferals were fighting Homeboy.

Once again my rep as the neighborhood kook has been assured.

Back from the doctor...

2009-07-03T00:32:12Z

My x-rays showed a slight curve to my spine, but nothing else. The doctor suggested I lose weight (their *&@#! answer for everything) and to sleep on a good mattress. He also prescribed a pain med, but heaven knows how much that will cost, so I haven't gone to the pharmacy.

I pushed him about my bad hip and the numbness in my leg that doesn't go away. He said that a x-ray of my hip probably wouldn't show much, and a MRI might be helpful, but that is over $500, so there is no freaking way I can get that anytime soon.

Blood tests showed good cholesterol levels and normal blood sugar. Told him how I keep getting shaky when active and that it's helped if I eat or drink something sweet. I've been using Dad's blood meter to test my blood sugar, and it's dropped as low as 37. I suggested hypoglycemia.

He said that the symptoms fit, but he was skeptical. He suggested additional blood work, but this is going to cost extra. Three tests, one for 12, one for 47, and the lab closed so I can't find out what the third one will be until Monday afternoon which means the earliest I can get the tests will be Tuesday, and then I wait another week for the results.

I'm so fed up. I spent 2 1/2 hours at the doctor, and I think I know less than I did before I went.

California Anti-Cat Laws...

2009-07-02T14:39:36Z

S.B. 250 passes Assembly Committee here in California. (despite getting 7,500 emails begging them not to pass it)

For those not familiar with this piece of chit: S.B. 250 is a law that targets low income cat owners as well as those that feed feral and stray cats. It states that ALL cats must be spayed or neutered.

That includes someone that feeds feral cats or a person that just has feral cats using their property. If you feed feral cats (and I do), you are responsible for trapping them and having them fixed. No where in this is the anything providing for low-cost neutering.

Ten years ago we used to have a feral cat spay/neuter program where ferals were fixed free if a person paid to rent the live traps and transported the cat to the vet. During the time the program was active I live trapped over a dozen ferals and got them fixed. Unfortunately they lost their funding years ago and were shut down;

Now once this becomes law if I don't pay out of pocket to neuter every stray that walks into my yard they can fine me and/or put me in jail. If I owned my home, they could TAKE IT. Since I live with my folks, if I continue to care for strays after this is law, they could lose their house.

I'm so angry I could hit someone... with a truck... repeatedly

So, I'm pretty sure I have...

2009-06-20T16:14:34Z

Diabetes.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, and when I'm very active (like just walking around in a store) I get to feeling very tired and my concentration goes. This goes away if I drink or eat something sweet.

Dad has type 2, so I've been using his meter to test myself. I tested my sugar when I woke up this morning and it was 99. I then drank down a glass of OJ, waited 40 minutes and tested again. When I retested it was 157.

Crap.

The more I try to improve my health, the worse it gets. I decide to lose weight, so I give up sodas, start drinking mostly water, eating yogurt, etc; I develop high blood pressure. I give up processed foods and eat more fruit and veggies to lower my BP, I develop diabetes.

*sighs*

crossposted to DW, LJ, IJ

Meme ganked from seekergeek...

2009-06-19T07:37:11Z

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. YOU ALL ROCK MY WORLD.

Personal Note:
Seriously, I've been really fortunate in the friends I've made online. Not only are there some of the most talented authors (fanfic or published) on my f-list, but you are all some of the sweetest people I've ever met.

cross-posted to DW, LJ, IJ

More Dreamwidth Invites...

2009-06-17T22:08:43Z

I have 2 more Dreamwidth invites if anyone wants one. Please send me your email address if you want a invite. First come first served.

Crossposted to DW, LJ, IJ.

Return of the #$*&!@## Zombies

2009-06-13T17:26:31Z

Oh, you've got to be freaking kidding me! Bad enough last year we had a freaking ZOMBIE uprising, which the government is totally denying. Most theories the government put forward to explain was mass hysteria caused by some sort of inhaled hallucinogen. Like none of the rest of us saw the meteor flashing over head, from east to west, or how the sky turned blood red in it's wake, followed by the rising of the shambling dead hungry for the blood of the living. They said it couldn't happen again.

They were wrong.

Can you see the meteor flashing across the blood red sky? Do you hear the horrible moans and screams carried by the wind?

They're here. This time there's no way to escape. I've barricaded myself in my garage. I have food, water, weapons, and thanks to the solar panels I still have electricity and a internet connection. I'll fight to the last, but I'm saving one bullet for myself. I don't want to become one of those things, mindless but for hunger, capable of hurting and killing the innocent. Please, please don't let me become one of those...

In the "these things only happen to me"

2009-06-01T14:48:39Z

category:

Last night I thew my back out after I got out of the shower. I didn't slip, I didn't fall. What I did was lean over slightly so I could dry my legs. I felt a "pop" in my back, and then there was a horrible pain.

I can walk (slowly and kind of sideways like a crab), but standing up, or sitting down is difficult and painful. Can't take anything stronger than Aleve and go to work either. It's going to be a *fun* couple of days.

Today was a good day...

2009-05-22T02:10:25Z

Because I work for a charity group we often get people calling or coming in to ask about work even though we aren't a employment agency. Some people call about work, not really wanting a job, but hoping we will feel sorry for them and give them a handout, but for the most part it's just honest, hard-working people who are having a rough patch.

Well first thing this morning I get a call from a guy looking to hire someone part-time for his gardening service. Exactly 45 minutes later I get a walk-in who had lost his job a week ago and was looking for work. Three minutes later he's on the phone to the garden service guy and was hired on the spot.

The guy had no sooner left than the boss told me about a in home care job that had come up. Mom has been looking for work, and has worked in home care before, so I passed the number on to her. An hour later Mom had a interview with the owner of the service, and an hour later she was hired. The owner really seems to like Mom and said she wants her to train for supervisor!

Usually I'm just the one that answers the phones and types up the reports, I don't usually, or even often have a day when I get to help many people this quickly.